In which Angel, concerned as to her status on the festive "naughty/nice" list, seeks clarification from a certain Canine Philanthropist at the North Pole.
Miss Angel Nash
Manhattan N.Y. 10021
Dear Santa Paws,
I think I have been the embodiment of Paw-fection but Grannie says I have been a total Diva dog all year, and this may well affect my status on your naughty/nice list. I think Grannie may well be deluded due to a predilection for her favoured botanical, Juniper berries…but just in case…please would you take into account the following mitigating circumstances:-
Erm, yes I did cause just a teensie weensie bit of mischief and mayhem. And, yes, it was both sides of the Atlantic.Yes I know I did incarcerate Grannie in the basement laundry room of our building with just a battered typewriter for company, it was purely so she could finish my manuscript and she did escape…to Cabo…selfishly without Moi…until I got on board my Lear Jet and tracked her down on the beach sipping of all things, Manhattan’s…Grrr…
Hmm, and yes there were one or two or maybe more innocent little dalliances with some very hot dogs. Technically, I may have been a teensie weensie bit naughty when I did have a true love back in England, but those other boys really were rather nice and my playdates in Central Park could be forgiven, couldn’t they? Especially as my now ex ‘true love’ has most unreasonably dumped me and done a runner to the Outer Hebrides with a mutt called Morag.
You will be very pleased with Moi, Santa Paws, I have been nursing my broken heart with a touch of recycling, that would put me on the nice list, wouldn’t it? My brand new, reused, true love is the Hollywood Hottie I had an ahem…friends with benefits thing with last summer in the Hampton’s, Mason the Mastiff.
You, and everyone else on the planet, can see just how good I have been, Santa Paws, just as soon as Grannie finishes the final edit of my delicious slice of chick-lit “Angel Cake”. She should have done it by now, but she hasn’t. I know it is a dire dereliction of duty, but she has been resting…a lot…I assume because of her advanced age and gin consumption. Sigh, it is to be expected :(
I am sure you will agree Dear Mr Paws, Grannie should claim her rightful place on the naughty list not Moi, shouldn’t she? I am glad we have sorted that little matter out :)
So please would it be OK if I had one or two doggy treats for Christmas? You can see I have been having a very tough time and deserve a few festive baubles!
I have attached my list on my Pinterest Paws page, from which Dear Santa, you will note I like the little trinkets from Tiffany’s. All of them will do nicely. Oh and if you are bringing breakfast, they don’t actually do it at Tiffany’s but they do a rather nice nosh up at he Ritz in London. Please be a sweetie and stop by and get me a take away before you make your way across the Atlantic to the upper East Side. Please bring me a couple of Grilled Kippers, Full English Breakfast, I’ll have the Cumberland sausages and the black pudding as well as the eggs, streaky bacon, tomatoes (lightly grilled), mushrooms and toast with golden butter and bitter marmalade. Oh, Er and Croissants, with jam. I’d like Freshly squeezed Valencia orange juice, a big pot of Twinings English Breakfast tea, with cream and two silver spoons of demerara sugar and a bowl of fruit please. I don’t want to be too full before lunch ;)
I don’t have a chimney in my 53rd floor Manhattan Penthouse. I do have a helipad on the roof. If this is not convenient, can you please use my private elevator? If you and the reindeer can’t fit, just pop the goodies inside and James my Butler can buttle up my pressies and leave them in my pink stocking on your behalf. Maybe just cut down on the mince pies next year? … Just sayin’ …
In anticipation and yummy appreciation!